Need some group therapy here

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This topic contains 15 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by  mary guercio 2 years, 5 months ago.

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  • #866

    Flypusher
    Moderator

    Everybody here has been great for helping me cope, and I have a day of reckoning coming up tomorrow. I’ve mentioned that I have adopted a “don’t ask- don’t tell” policy with the conservative members of my family about politics as an effort to preserve the peace. I can’t keep to that in light of all that has happened this week. I’ll be calling my parents tomorrow. It’s really hard to guess how they voted, other than obviously not for Clinton. I’ve yet to speak to any of the conservative/religious members of my family about this election, because I’ve been very carefully considering how to broach this without rancor. It’s hard because I despise people like Trump so much. It should be glaringly obvious that Trump is everything an actual practicing Christian should condemn. I am so hoping that they voted for Johnson or wrote someone else in or abstained. I will be especially disappointed if my parents voted for Trump, because every despicable thing that Trump has said/ done flies in the face of how I was raised. I do not want to have to ask them the question “If I had lied and cheated and bullied people the way Trump has, would you be proud of me?” But my conscience would torment me if they revealed that they voted Trump and I didn’t say it. My one glimmer of hope is that my mother has been a Glenn Beck fan and he finally saw the light about Trump and all the vitriol he (Beck) spewed about Obama. Maybe she listened to him. How crazy is it that I’m looking to Beck for hope? 



    Wish me luck tomorrow.

    (I just now literally started crying as I pasted this in.)

  • #867

    mary guercio
    Moderator

    Fly, I wish you strength and courage. I haven’t been able to do what you are planning. In fact, I haven’t returned phone calls from my daughter who with her husband, said so many ugly things about Clinton to me. It’s too painful for me to look them in the face or talk to them without being angry or crying. I don’t know who they are anymore and frankly, don’t want to be around them. I can’t right now, so best of luck to you. Let us know how this talk goes as we may all need instructions.

    For me, this election is a violation of everything I taught our children. How did we grow so far apart in our values? There are so many thoughts going through my mind as to how to handle myself around them – sometime in the future…not wanting to share Thanksgiving because if anyone there said the wrong thing, I would react. Better to stay home. I’m not ready to deal with their choice even as I recognize it is their right to hold a different one than my own. Everything I taught our children is opposed to a Donald Trump and the values of the Republican Party. Everything. They know it though we usually didn’t talk politics. That inability should have been more instructive about this election. None of our children have ever lacked for anything -love, security, education, help whenever needed. Yet in this hour of my need, we have nothing in common.

    More than anything, more than even Trump, I worry about the changes majority Republican control mean for our country. Not since 1928 has any party held all three branches of government. It’s here, and What this means matters deeply to me. Listening to my daughter and her spouse celebrate these changes would be more than I can take. I invested deeply in this election and am too knowledgeable about what the Republican Party will do with unbridled power. The Democratic Party is in shock and disarray which doesn’t offer much comfort for the future. It will have to come from our young people as most of the seasoned Dem leadership is stunned.

    So, courage my friend. I cry every day but try to think how Hillary and Barack are showing more class than the despair I don’t seem able to control. Their pain is so much greater than my own and I feel so badly about their loss. As much as I have invested in this election, theirs is far, far greater and their loss and hurt much more deserved. This will pass in time but I won’t be the same person nor feel the same way about many people in my life. My very small world has just become smaller because I don’t want to be around people who care so little about the values I hold dear. I am on edge and if anyone challenges me on this one of two things will happen: we’ll never speak or see one another again or our relationship will never, ever be anything more than minimal. I mean that to the depth of my being. At this point I really don’t want to see or speak to anyone in my family who voted for Trump. I just can’t. Wish I could offer you better advice consistent with my 73 years of life, but hurt and worry is too raw yet. I don’t seem to be doing such a good job dealing with my own feelings. Right now I need time to heal before I can re-engage with the world.

    I’ll be with you in spirit. You are a good smart person Fly. Courage.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  mary guercio.
  • #871

    EJ
    Moderator

    You have all my support, Fly. This is one of the hardest conversations to have. You’ve always struck me as a genuinely kind and thoughtful person with a great deal of empathy, and you deserve to have a deep and supportive set of people around you.

    Bon courage and I wish you the very best for it.

  • #872

    mary guercio
    Moderator

    Here’s an offbeat millenial bloggers’s perspective on the election results that might be helpful for dialogue.

    It’s Going to Be Okay – Follow Up

  • #874

    William Dolan
    Participant

    I wish you the best of luck Fly. If it turns out they did, just tell yourself that they voted their conscience and believed he was the best option. I also wish the best of luck to Mary, once the sting of Trump’s win lessens. I’d love to give you better advice than this, but I’ll be in the same boat this Thanksgiving…only I wont have any doubts about who they voted for, they never made it a secret. I think my mom and dad were the only ones who weren’t behind him.

    Obama, Beck (I’m as shocked as everyone about agreeing with him), and even Trump is right, we need to put this behind us. If we don’t things will just get worse. I know that’s easier said than done, I can’t tell you how badly a part of me wants to mouth off at Thanksgiving Dinner about how they’ve just made the Neo-Nazis realize that their hateful views have a home in the GOP. Then say ‘I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking’ when they start complaining. Unfortunately that’s not going to make things better. Punishing friends and loved ones over this only succeeds in hurting ourselves.

    • #875

      mary guercio
      Moderator

      “Punishing friends and loved ones over this only succeeds in hurting ourselves.” Which is why we’ll be staying home this Thanksgiving. The less said the better. We’ve talked on this blog before about holiday gatherings where politics intrudes and how this strains relationships. Each of us handles that differently but this year, I don’t want to hear self-congratulatory remarks about Clinton’s defeat – because it’s my loss too. Time will heal the raw edges of hurt and disappointment, but for now, I need to distance myself from painful conflict.

    • #877

      William Dolan
      Participant

      Fine, stay at home, it’s your choice. I don’t know how bad this election got for you and your family. At least call them, if they start talking about Hillary, change the subject. Hell hang up, call back, and blame it on bad reception, childish I know but it could work. At least you’ll be able to say you tried.

  • #880

    Bobo Amerigo
    Moderator

    Thinking of you.

  • #881
    • #890

      John Thomas
      Participant

      The Great Way is not difficult for those who have no preferences. When love and hate are both absent everything becomes clear and undisguised. Make the smallest distinction, however, and heaven and earth are set infinitely apart. If you wish to see the truth then hold no opinion for or against. The struggle of what one likes and what one dislikes is the disease of the mind

      Sosan, 3rd Zen Patriarch in China

  • #883

    I love my sister and her husband is like my best buddy. My kids adore them, we have holidays together, and we vacation together. They are racist, sexist bigots. We normally don’t talk about politics, and if we do, it is fleeting. Although they supported Trump, they were too lazy to vote.

    My ignoring the racist and sexist crap is part of the problem. It lets people think it is normal. It may be normal for them, but it is not right, and I’m happily going to call them out on it. They can believe what they want to believe, but they won’t be able to talk about it without me embarrassing them (if they are capable of feeling embarrassment).

    My wife’s family is relatively wealthy and they support Trump. They rarely bring up politics but are happy for a spirited argument when it occurs. If my wife’s brother pops off a bit on Thanksgiving, I’ll ruin the dinner and burn down the house if I have to.

    The blind eye just let’s them think it is normal.

    I’m part of the problem of letting this crap be normal. It is minor, and it won’t have much of an effect, but I’m not going to silently be part of the normalization of this rhetoric.

    • #885

      Bobo Amerigo
      Moderator

      HT, you nailed it.

      Tonight I’ll have dinner with two long-time friends who voted for Trump. I had vowed not to bring it up and if the topic is brought up by others I had planned to decline.

      But my plan normalizes the election. Which is not normal. Electing a serial sexual abuser is not normal.

      I’m rethinking now how to participate in the conversation. Thanks. I think.

    • #886

      mary guercio
      Moderator

      Here’s something to think about, Bobo. It’s a very positive article about Clinton and people who supported her and why. It also gets into what women can bring to the field of politics. Every time I think about trying to play nice on this subject, I read something that reminds me once again, that the ugliness within the Republican Party is there. The announcement by Chaffetz and Giuliani about going after Clinton on the email server (Chaffetz hours after Clinton’s concession speech, and Giuliani today. There is no generosity coming from the other side, and there won’t be. This makes it harder to talk to people who lack a basic understanding of what is at stake here and the ramifications of their vote. Most people don’t have the depth of understanding about the political process that we do on this blog and they are blissfully defensive of their rather superficial reasoning. It makes it even harder to converse meaningfully because of this fact. Good luck to you tonight. I don’t know that sitting back and letting other people pontificate is going to do anything positive for the advancement of the values in our country. And, it is “our” country.

      https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/12/hillary-clinton-liberal-feminists?utm_source=esp&utm_medium=Email&utm_campaign=GU+Today+main+NEW+H+categories&utm_term=199473&subid=20116704&CMP=EMCNEWEML6619I2

  • #901

    Flypusher
    Moderator

    Thank you to everyone for their kind words. Those helped me. I called my brother this morning, and he had the voting scoop for me. Sadly my parents and my sisters and my 3 oldest nieces had voted for Trump. So at least I knew before I made the call. I didn’t learn anything I didn’t already suspect. They wouldn’t vote for Clinton because of abortion, that was no shock. But they were just determined to hope that Trump would change for the better, we had a minor argument on that one. They thought I ought to give Trump a chance. Had it been someone like Romney or McCain, then sure, but Trump is an exception. When someone has such a long track record of lying, cheating, and bullying, and he’s not demonstrated in any tangible way that he’s truly remorseful and has changed, then I would be a fool to assume anything other than continuance of that track record. I think they’re terribly wrong, but I’ve said my piece and that’s all I can do. At least I can respect myself not keeping silent. And I didn’t burn any bridges.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Flypusher.
  • #909

    Griff
    Moderator

    You’re a great person Fly I’m sure you will feel better. If it helps apparently most Trump voters didn’t expect him to win so while it doesn’t justify it they may not have fully understood the impact of what they were doing. I’m going to ask my own Trump voting family members how they can justify a president who appoints out-and-out white supremacists to cabinet positions? I’ll see what they say.

  • #956

    mary guercio
    Moderator

    I’m gonna miss these two guys! Feel better everyone…..

    http://www.npr.org/2016/11/15/502019361/-memeoftheweek-the-best-of-the-obama-biden-brotus

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