After you slither down the Capitol steps, a dream of public service mangled and stained by seedy compromise, what do you do next with your life? Join the speakers’ circuit, of course.
For a modest and rapidly declining fee, your organization can be treated to the wit and wisdom of former Congressman Trey Gowdy, The Hero of Benghazi. Hear how he combed through tens of thousands of emails to find nothing of any real interest. Sit, riveted to your chair, as he describes the relentless investigative effort that led him into a box canyon of futility.
Do your employees perform meaningless, soul-crushing work with no clear purpose? They’ll thrill to stories of Republican legislative ineptitude, arbitrary government shutdowns and tantrums aimed at imaginary enemies. Need to rally your political group around absurd and improbable fears? Gowdy will wow them with sinister tales laced with evil threated by dark invisible forces.
Say goodbye to tired old speakers who bore you with facts and anchor their tired stories to reality. Your audience will be wowed by the swashbuckling adventures of a True Conservative. Get him drunk after the speech and maybe he’ll tell you what he really thinks of the conspiracy-addled idiots who elected him and the criminal defendants who will line his pockets in the coming years. Act now, before he disappears into the warm, comforting static of obscurity.